But why is that? Why is it that something that has filled my free time almost totally for almost fifteen past years is now a source of anxiety and anger?

My use of IRC has evolved from being fun way of passing time and communicating with friends to source of information, connecting with people interested in similar issues and surprisingly, keeping in touch with the professionals, enthusiasts and issues I consider vital to my work and learning new skills. This comes with a downside: I expect a level of professionalism from people I discuss with.

I’m not saying being casual is bad. God knows my jokes are sometimes horrible, punchlines somewhat questionable and sometimes I’m just irrational. But I still expect a certain level of professionalism, not only on IRC, but in conference speeches, blog entries I see in various places, like Planet Ubuntu and Planet Gnome and all the rest I follow, in discussion forums and IRL meets. What I’m looking for is a atmosphere you’d expect to find in a pub on a weekday, after 5pm, but before 8pm. I call it The After Work Beer -atmosphere.

What is it? Lets do a thought experiment. Imagine going to a pub for a drink (be it alcoholic or just your favourite fruit juice) with your colleagues. While you might still talk shop, the atmosphere is notably more casual than at the office or on the shop floor. There’s still most of the social norms of the work place in effect – social faux pas that should be honoured in most cases, right?

This includes how you interact with your colleagues of different gender, sexuality, race, nationality, religion and so on.
A) Think of how you’d behave?

Consider then another group coming in the bar for an AWB just like your group has. They might be all female, all Indians, all Finns, all LGBT, all Somali, all Russians, all Muslim (or Jewish or Bahá’i), all English, all Mexicans.
B) How would you behave towards them?

here’s some hints:
A) You treat them respectfully as you’d treat them at workplace. You don’t hit on them, make racial slurs, tell them they’re going to hell because of their religion or sexual preference, you don’t aggressively pick them out from the group, but you don’t also ignore them.
B) You treat them respectfully as you’d treat them at workplace, being guests, customers or subcontractors. You don’t gang up on them to hit on them, make racial slurs, tell them they’re going to hell because of their religion or sexual preference, you don’t make a scene by calling them out by names from across the pub. If you’re interested in them, you go and ask them all to join your group, but you don’t single out just a few or feel insulted if the request is declined.

And this is what I expect of the FLOSS community, as we are trying to produce a professional level software and services that are on par or better than proprietary ones. We may not be working in the same company, not in the same country or share opinions on political, religious, sexual or whatever levels. But we are interested in reaching the same goal, and we need to work together to achieve it.

I’ve referred to myself as the Invisible Pink Unicorn several times in past few years as sometimes I feel that I’m only figment of someone’s imagination and my existance is purely a matter of faith. And sometimes, when I look at my life from the perspective of others, it feels like I am an outsider. Sometimes when I blog, or change my status in Facebook, or twit or jaiku to the Internet, I wonder how many of my old schoolmates and childhood friends understand a word what I’m saying.

Funny things I’ve noticed lately in my own life:

• I carry O’Reilly GNU/Emacs Pocket Reference in my backpack, handbag, purse
• I needed to take a picture of a yarn colour card for a friend. Since I know she’s as geek as I am, I decided to include my Emacs Pocket Reference and an Ubuntu Desktop 32-bit installation CD as colour references.
• I think lambdacats are hilarious
• When I was at Assembly Summer 2008, I bought myself an USB light… so I could crochet in the dark
• One of the most beautiful and romantic gifts I’ve ever gotten from a male was my vanity domain myrtti.fi
• I’ve knitted endless amounts of pouches for my mobile phones
• OHMIGOD!
• I think Basshunters “Boten Anna” is really a touching song… And Douglas Couplands Microserfs wonderfully romantic book…

But at the end of the day, I’m really confused. Sometimes it feels my gender and my intrests in the ICT world can’t be mixed. My jokes are sometimes sexist and biased (yes, I am blonde myself), but I can be insulted with sexist and biased jokes. Then again sometimes I feel incompetent with my miniscule skills with coding. Most of my schoolmates from elementary school probably know even less programming than I do. I feel like a traitor falling into the “traditional” pitfalls of Women in ICT, mastering documentation, translation, advocation and community work, not coding.

*sigh*
The Invisible Pink Unicorn…